How do you save a black man from drownding??



Take your foot off his head!

_________________
Coiler

One of the best emails ever -

The following are ACTUAL answers given by contestants on "Family Fortunes"
in the UK. If you've ever doubted that the families who appear on this show
are of sub-human intelligence, doubt no longer they are all morons... and
Les Dennis is their King.

Q. Name something a blind person might use
A. A sword
Q. Name a song with moon in the title
A. Blue Suede Moon
Q. Name a bird with a long neck
A. Naomi Campbell
Q. Name an occupation where you need a torch
A. A burglar
Q. Name a famous brother and sister
A. Bonnie & Clyde
Q. Name a dangerous race
A. The Arabs
Q. Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers
A. A horse
Q. Name something that floats in the bath
A. Water
Q. Name something you wear on the beach
A. A deckchair
Q. Name something Red
A. My cardigan
Q. Name a famous royal
A. Mail
Q. Name a number you have to memorise
A. 7
Q. Name something in the garden that's green
A. Shed
Q. Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine
A. A bicycle with wings
Q. Name something you might be allergic to
A. Skiing
Q. Name a famous bridge
A. The bridge over troubled waters
Q. Name something a cat does
A. Goes to the toilet
Q. Name something you do in the bathroom
A. Decorate
Q. Name an animal you might see at the zoo
A. A dog
Q. Name something associated with the police
A. Pigs
Q. Name a sign of the zodiac
A. April
Q. Name something slippery
A. A conman
Q. Name a kind of ache
A. Fillet 'O' Fish (?)
Q. Name a food hat can be brown or white
A. Potato
Q. Name a jacket potato topping
A. Jam
Q. Name a famous Scotsman
A. Jock
Q. Name something with a hole in it
A. Window
Q. Name a non-living object with legs
A. Plant
Q. Name a domestic animal
A. Leopard
Q. Name a part of the body beginning with 'N'
A. Knee
Q. Name a way of cooking fish
A. Cod
Q. Name something you open other than a door
A. Your bowels

What trailer park did they find those contestants at?

The contestants on 'Family Fortunes' are generally the lowest the human race has to offer. Some of the answers they give are laughable (as you see!)
The great thing is that your get the whole moronic family on there.

Why do the dutch wear wooden shoes??



To keep the woodpeckers off their heads

_________________
Coiler

Here's an interesting eBay item. Makes a long reading, but worth it!

whatever.. actually we Dutch have stopped wearing those shoes before WWII, and there are very few woodpeckers in this country because there are very few forests for them to live in.

Nice to see he got a good price for it.

[quote="THEIvo"][quote="Coiler"]Why do the dutch wear wooden shoes??



To keep the woodpeckers off their heads


[/quote]

whatever.. actually we Dutch have stopped wearing those shoes before WWII, and there are very few woodpeckers in this country because there are very few forests for them to live in.[/quote]


It's a fucking joke, relax

_________________
Coiler

I just LOVE being serious about nonsense.. the reactions are so funny!

A guy walks into a bar and says to some guy sitting down drinking a beer, "i fucked your mom!", the guy sitting at the bar gos "ok....", the guy gos in the bathroom and comes out 10 minutes later and gos "And she liked it!", the guy sitting at the bar gos "yeah......", the guy leaves comes back 10 minutes later and gos "your mom and i had a good time!", the bartender says "go home your drunk!"

Supposedly real headlines from newspapers:

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

7. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

8. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

9. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

10. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

11. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

12. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

13. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

14. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

15. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

16. War Dims Hope for Peace

17. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

18. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

19. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

20. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

21. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

22. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

23. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

24. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

That was good, Matt!



This makes me wonder what would've happened if the typhoon not ripped through the cemetery...

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.

He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to
prove there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted:

"God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall Ten
minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine just
released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to
the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform.

The professor was out cold!

At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young
Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent. The class fell silent, waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to, shaken. He looked at the young Marine
in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak
he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

"God was busy. He sent me."

Two muffins are baking in an oven. The left muffin says to the right muffin "Oh no, this is getting pretty hot!" and the right muffin says "Oh my god, a talking muffin!!"