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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:29 pm 
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Lacunaz Initiate
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I probably should work on this some more...but here goes:

permanent fix

permanent fix
charges matter
antimatter
doesn't kiss
until after
precedence is established

bullet chambered
writes of wrongs
a pagan's song
life remembered
won't be long
the byproduct of ignorance

sounding clicks
greying splatter
world is shattered
doesn't miss
until after
his message has prevailed

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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2004 4:56 am 
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Lacunaz Initiate
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a ghost dancing near me

she comes in the twilight
when dreams have all ended
peripheral visions
that dance in my eyes

a jittery picture
of love that is splendid
her words are a shadow
that passes me by

her kiss is the vapor
that covers my window
translucently sifting
the light from the sky

i walk on her dewdrops
alone, my feet naked
i wander ‘round loveless
it’s how I will die

a ghost dancing near me
playfully touching
revealing the secrets
behind her dark eyes

reaching to touch her
‘wakened from slumber
i lay in my bedroom
and open my eyes

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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2004 12:33 pm 
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Lacunaz Adept
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@ !ccfoo, I like them! :D

Yeah, I've two mistakes by me here
Quote:
now i'm running this way
i'm afraid to be late

Now I'm running this road
I'm afraid of being late!
:oops:
I think I've ended writing lyrics on English... :oops: :oops:
May be for a while... :?


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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:06 pm 
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Lacunaz Initiate
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cri wrote:
@ !ccfoo, I like them! :D

Yeah, I've two mistakes by me here
Quote:
now i'm running this way
i'm afraid to be late

Now I'm running this road
I'm afraid of being late!
:oops:
I think I've ended writing lyrics on English... :oops: :oops:
May be for a while... :?


Thanks! And DON'T stop writing! If you want help with some wording I can help you or maybe others here can help you.

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 Post Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 10:25 pm 
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Lacunaz Adept
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this poem is about..well it could be about the USA..or just the whole damn world..i dunno, i just started writing and this is what happened:

The only thought we have is broken
Shattered by the flame
And all the hopes or inspiration
What is it we have gained?
For all the years of suffering
Are we still so blind?
To know that we have failed,
But not trying to bring ourselves up.
Just to lay down and fall?
To let them watch us?
To let them laugh?
Yes.

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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 1:08 pm 
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!ccfoo wrote:
Thanks! And DON'T stop writing! If you want help with some wording I can help you or maybe others here can help you.

Oh, :oops: !ccfoo, thank you! But now I'm not able to write anything at all... :cry: It's very nice from you! :D Thanks! :D


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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 2:40 pm 
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Lacunaz Initiate
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cri wrote:
Oh, :oops: !ccfoo, thank you! But now I'm not able to write anything at all... :cry: It's very nice from you! :D Thanks! :D


Why are you not able to write anything?

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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:17 pm 
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Lacunaz Adept
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!ccfoo wrote:
Why are you not able to write anything?

OK.. OK.. I'm still able... :lol: I've mistaken.. :oops: I've written it 10 minutes ago... Check it, please :D

Leuchtend (Flickering)

We'd been always
like (the) sun and (the) moon
You were heating my heart
And I'd been freezing your soul
While I was sprawling out my darkness
I was searching for you...
But I've got.. a madness...

I'd closed my eyes
And seen your face looking right on me
I'd tried to ask you where you'd been
But you didn't hear me...
You were on the other side - away from me
I was trying to catch you...
But you.. you disappeared...

If it is right (or about...) I'll try to write continuing! :D


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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 2:18 pm 
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:clap: wow cri that's really good

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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 7:53 pm 
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Senna wrote:
:clap: wow cri that's really good

:P Thank you! I'm very glad to see these words! :P
Yeah, my muse is alive! :lol: :twisted: :lol:
Guys, I'm reaaly very happy that I'm here! I love y'all!! :oops: :lol:


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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 8:20 pm 
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Lacunaz Initiate
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Location: Foot o' da friggin' Rockies...helluva view!
@cri - glad to see you like it here! And I must say, I really am quite impressed with everything you've written here! Excellent stuff!

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 Post Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 1:16 am 
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yay, more poems to read!

@cri- i love your poems (or are they songs?) i'm glad you can still write! i always worry that one day i just won't have any creativity left, ahh!

@!ccfoo-i went back and read a bunch of what you've written and i'm really impressed! i love how you've set your poems up...it gives just the right emphasis and such. i thought permanent fix was neat sounding, but i have no idea what you had in mind to convey with it! i really like the last too lines of the french movie one too. ooh, and "twitch," i loved that! very effective word choices in my opinion!

okay, here is another one of my ramblings. i'm told the last stanza doesn't go well with it...but the entire poem is in a strange tone so oh well.

Boil a tomato until
Its skin is so tender
All it takes is a caress
Of the knife
To bring forth
Its raw and vicious muscle mass
From behind the crimson curtain
It will seductively slide
To simmer into a sauce

I will step into the shower
To step forth from my skin
The water will bubble like
A witch’s cauldron and
I will be condensed
Into a soup
My thoughts will evaporate
With the steam

Then I will be poured
Into in a little jar
With a neat label
Giving me my identity
I will be taken off the shelf
When I can be of use

I will find
The meaning of life
In giving your pasta pizzazz


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 Post Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:24 am 
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Lacunaz Initiate
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@cri, yes, I really enjoy what you write. Don't get frustrated about the language. It just makes what you right that much more real.

greymatter wrote:
@!ccfoo-i went back and read a bunch of what you've written and i'm really impressed! i love how you've set your poems up...it gives just the right emphasis and such. i thought permanent fix was neat sounding, but i have no idea what you had in mind to convey with it! i really like the last too lines of the french movie one too. ooh, and "twitch," i loved that! very effective word choices in my opinion!


Wow, thanks! Permanent fix is about using a gun to commit suicide, and nobody noticing him until after they've read his suicide note...

greymatter wrote:
Boil a tomato until
Its skin is so tender
All it takes is a caress
Of the knife
To bring forth
Its raw and vicious muscle mass
From behind the crimson curtain
It will seductively slide
To simmer into a sauce
...
I will find
The meaning of life
In giving your pasta pizzazz


Maybe my mind is in the gutter...but are you talking about a vagina? 8O

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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:46 pm 
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Lacunaz Adept
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Guys, blin! I'm deep that you like my things! Chyort! I'm going to write sth else! :lol:


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:41 pm 
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granted, it is a strange poem but i've never gotten that interpretation before! 8O

and no...that's not what i had in mind, haha. if you knew me you'd know i would never write about anything like that! it does have kind of a sexual feel to it i guess. i based it on when i used to cut myself in the shower and it kind of morphed into something weird. i was trying to ridicule how some people believe everything has to have a distinct label and how shallow people are sometimes.


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