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 Post Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 4:10 pm 
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Lacunaz
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-----You used to be my friend,
I used to call you mate.
You’re destroying all your friendships,
and I hope you realise this, before it is to late.

Friendships take a long time to build.
But can be undone in just one second.
I don’t know if you feel the same,
but that is what I reckon.

At first you seem friendly and nice,
you seem like someone you can trust
and is always around.
But when someone has a problem,
You’re nowhere to be found.

Some say that no man is an island,
But you should be careful how many
bridges you burn.
Because before you know it,
you’ll have nowhere else to turn. -----

hmmmm

::evil grin:: I think you've got some potential.. however since you asked for honest opinions.... if you want it to become lyrics... you may want to try to make it more.. flowing... and less like a letter, make it almost incomplete.. for example..:



You used to be my friend,
I used to call you mate.
You’re destroying all your friendships,
and I hope you realise this, before it is to late.

could be:

You used to be my friend,
I used to call you mate.
You're destroying all your friendship,
you'd better realize, its getting to late. (cause its getting late)

something to that effect.... don't expound upon every word or thought, leave it a bit choppy, undone... or since you seem to have a flowing rhyme thing wanting to happen, keep with it.

not that my opinion counts at all.. but I thought it was really good .... I just thought that you were trying to --- flow--- and.. er.. ... am I jerk?

Bri

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 Post Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 4:20 pm 
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Ofcource your opinion matters to me Bri!
I wouldn't have asked for them if I didn't want to hear them!
Thank you very much for being honoust!
And thank you very much for the advice! :D

Rik!

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Last edited by Beautiful_Freak on Mon Apr 04, 2005 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:16 pm 
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Well not really a poem this time!
More a story! I not quite sure what it is to be honoust! :think:

Anyways I just wanted to vent this! And I put it on paper!

Life is a prison
and I want too get out.
Life is unfair,
and just doesn’t seem to end.

Tell me what is the purpose of life?
You meet some people, you fall in love and
then you die!
It just doesn’t seem worth it anymore!

And what if you don’t find your one
true love?
Not everyone is that lucky you know.
Do you then just live your life as long as
it allows?
And when you die, will anyone even miss you?

Is a life ever worthless?
Is it ever without a use?
What do you have to do too make your life
worth living?
Is it even possible?

But on the other side,
does anyone ever know the meaning of life?
Does it even exist?
Is there any structure, or is it all just random?
Is there someone who can tell me this?

Are we put on this earth with some kind of mission?
Or are we just put on randomly?
We’ll see what happens and what shit he gets himself
into!
Is it just that simple?

Is there any higher power that had some kind of plan
when He put us on this earth?
And if so, why doesn’t He step in when we screw up?
Or is it just like when you learn to walk?
You tumble and fall. But you keep on going.
That is how you learn how too walk.
Is it the same with life?
Do you need to screw up sometimes too learn how good life can be?
And who knows, after you have learned how to walk, you can start to run!
Maybe life is the same way. Maybe after you have learned that life isn’t always that bad, it just keeps on getting better!

I think no one knows these things for sure.
I think we’ll just have to try to make the best of the life we are given!
And then just see what happens................

................... and maybe, just maybe life isn’t as bad as I always thought!


Rik!

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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:50 pm 
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Just something I though I needed to vent!
Pay no attention to it!

Alone.

Just leave me the fuck alone!
I want nothing to do with anyone.
None of any ones problems, none of any ones shit.
I have enough problems on my own, I don’t need your spare ones as well.

I simply want to be left alone.
I really don’t need any one.
Other people always seem to be out to hurt you...
I have been hurt more then enough.
No more...

Every day I struggle with all my problems.
Every day I live with all my shit...
I do this all alone.
And I want to keep doing this all alone...

Some people have tried to help me.
And I know they mean well.
But I don’t want anybody’s help.
I don’t want to let anyone in.
I don’t let anyone come too close...

I’m fed up with people always interfering.
I have my own problems yes,
but they are just that... my problems.
Not anyone else’s, MINE!!!
I don’t want to bother you with them,
and you don’t want to be bothered with them.

Conclusion : “Just leave me the fuck alone”!!!!!!


Rik! Image

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 Post Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 9:02 pm 
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I have a nother one! :P
No one seems to read it, but I don't care!
It's more for myself then others so...
If you do wish to comment, feel free!

Life.

Why does life always seem to get the better of me?
Is there something happening that I just can’t seem to see?
My life has been short so far...
But does that matter when life feels like war?

What to do with all that frustration and pain?
What to do when life just feels in vain?
You could just end it with one action...
But that is quite a tuff choice and think of the reaction!

Are you really that lonely that you’ll won’t be missed?
Or is that just the conclusion you come to when you get pissed?
Do you really want to put your life to an end? Are you really that much of a wreck?
Please keep in mind, ones you’ve done it, there’s no turning back...

I have to say I have the same ideas every now and then...
So much shit every day, you just think... never again!
Thoughts of an early end have crossed my mind...
Looking all the time but a reason to go on I just can’t find...

And what if your right? And I am wrong?
There simply is no meaning to life and nowhere to belong.

I always try to look on the bright side of life and just go on...
But is that the thing to do? Or am I just a moron?
Maybe it’s just as simple as I sometimes think...
Most of the time life just isn’t fair... I only disagree with that when I had to much to drink...

You know I think your right, live is awful and it isn’t your best friend.
It’s time to put this life to an end!!!!!!


Rik! :shootself:

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 Post Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 8:36 pm 
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Not that anyone reads what I post here I know! But I wrote something tonight and just thought I'd post something again for ones! It's been awile and have written some stuff but not posted any of them here! So yeah here is me putting one up again!

Why am I still alive?

Why am I still alive?
Why haven’t I ended it yet?
This life just seems to go on and on.
When will it ever stop?
It just seems like it’s a never ending struggle between me and it...

I just seem to be doing the same thing over and over again.
It’s a perfect circle of boredom.
You wake up, do some useless shit and go to sleep again...
Why can’t that sleep just be eternal?

I am a loser, I am a failure!
I am never gonna do anything worthwhile with my life.
You do not want to know me...
You do not want to be seen with me!
Nothing good could ever come from this.

I will be your downfall.
Get to know me and fall deeper and deeper into a pit you just can’t seem to get out of...

Just let me sleep and never wake me up...


Rik!

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 Post Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 5:19 pm 
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And again I felt the need to put one up!
Again a pretty depressing one!
If you read all this you might think I'm some really depressed person or something...
Well most of the time that isn't the case! But from time to time I do get a bit down! Thats when I try to wright these things, because it really makes me feel better! :)
But the last few days it didn't work... at this moment I am still in a bit of a down mood! But most likely it will pass with time!

Anyways here goes:

The failure.

I am your friend,
you can trust me.
I will never leave you.
I’m always around for you to see.

Those are the words I use to win you over.
But words can be empty, words can be a lie...
Nothing about me is real,
I can deceive easily, I don’t have to try...

Don’t wasted your time on getting to know me.
I will only bring you pain.
Get on with your life and do it quick,
my life has no meaning... don’t let yours be the same!

I am like a swamp,
You get stuck in and can’t get free.
It is not safe to be around this person,
You really don’t want to know me!

I am the negative, the wrong in this world.
Try to be the positive, do something right with the time you have got.
Do something right with your life.
Don’t be like me, don’t let it all lay to rot.

For me it is to late.
Don’t make the same mistake I have, don’t live your live all wrong...
Do something good with your life,
Do it for me. Please, be strong!

Pay no attention to me, in fact forget all about me...

I am The Failure...


Rik!

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 Post Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:11 pm 
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What strikes me in your poems Rik is that as a form of expression they're very good. There's no need for overuse of 'poetic tools' - you're saying what you want without trying to mask over it or make it too esoteric.

Many people think and feel similar things and it's clear you're seeing that from your poems. You seem to take what it is thats on your mind and put it into a poem for all to read - and you don't try and 'mask' it so much that its difficult for others to see what you feel.

A lot of your poems are depressive but to be fair, thats what they're there for and thats why you write them as you said - to get things off your chest so to speak. Just make sure you don't feel so bad about yourself all the time. You shouldn't try and aspire to be the perfect person, other people you know are imperfect humans like everyone else. Although you may feel you could have done better in somethings, I feel like that too and so does anyone who doesn't have their head right up their own arse :P

I really like the conclusion to this poem:

Quote:
I think we’ll just have to try to make the best of the life we are given!
And then just see what happens................

................... and maybe, just maybe life isn’t as bad as I always thought!


I like the sentiment expressed there - you're not swinging into optomism and saying 'life is great' but then you're not being pessimistic and saying 'everything is shit'. Either way of looking at things is deluded, and it's good to just see what happens like you say :D.

That's the thing - saying "Let's see what happens' isn't optomistic or pessimistic. It's realistic and thats where you wanna be, in the real world :P The real world can be good and bad - seems that your later poems are writen when you're going through a bad time, but if your earlier poems are anything to go by, you know things will pick up sometime :). I hope that you can get through whatever life is throwing at you now and keep standing against it.

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 Post Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 7:12 pm 
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Malatusis wrote:
What strikes me in your poems Rik is that as a form of expression they're very good. There's no need for overuse of 'poetic tools' - you're saying what you want without trying to mask over it or make it too esoteric.

Many people think and feel similar things and it's clear you're seeing that from your poems. You seem to take what it is thats on your mind and put it into a poem for all to read - and you don't try and 'mask' it so much that its difficult for others to see what you feel.


Well I just wright whatever I feel at that moment! I try to do it a much from the heart as possible! Ofcource you can't completely disable your head, but I try to keep my head out of it as much as possible!
Thats the main reason I don't use the "poetic tools" and well I like doing it this way! :)

Malatusis wrote:
A lot of your poems are depressive but to be fair, thats what they're there for and thats why you write them as you said - to get things off your chest so to speak. Just make sure you don't feel so bad about yourself all the time. You shouldn't try and aspire to be the perfect person, other people you know are imperfect humans like everyone else. Although you may feel you could have done better in somethings, I feel like that too and so does anyone who doesn't have their head right up their own arse :P


Well for some strange reason I find it difficult to write "happy" poems! :think: There are times when I'm a bit down and well writing is easy, but even when I'm a bit more happy and I want to write something I try to go to a bit of a down state of mind just to be able to write something! (I don't know if this makes any sense at all, but in my head it sounded good! :P)
And yes it is a great way to get thing of my chest! :)
Also thanks for reminding me I shouldn't be down all the time! And well I'm not! Deep down I know what you said is absolutely true! (And you put it in such a lovely way aswell! :P I have a very nice metal immage now! :moon: :P)
But like I said deep down inside I do know this! :) I just need a reminder of that sometimes! So thanks for that! ;)

Malatusis wrote:
I really like the conclusion to this poem:


Quote:
I think we’ll just have to try to make the best of the life we are given!
And then just see what happens................

................... and maybe, just maybe life isn’t as bad as I always thought!


Malatusis wrote:
I like the sentiment expressed there - you're not swinging into optomism and saying 'life is great' but then you're not being pessimistic and saying 'everything is shit'. Either way of looking at things is deluded, and it's good to just see what happens like you say :D.

That's the thing - saying "Let's see what happens' isn't optomistic or pessimistic. It's realistic and thats where you wanna be, in the real world :P The real world can be good and bad -


I'm glad you like it! :) I like that bit a lot too! :)
And well it is realistic yes! Life just isn't always great! But it's not awfull all the time either! Aslong as you keep that in mind, you can't go wrong I think! :)

Malatusis wrote:
seems that your later poems are writen when you're going through a bad time, but if your earlier poems are anything to go by, you know things will pick up sometime :). I hope that you can get through whatever life is throwing at you now and keep standing against it.


Well yes! I am not going through the most happy periode of my life at the moment! I've had worst, but I sure as hell have had better! I don't want to go into details!
Nice way of putting it BTW that: "but if your earlier poems are anything to go by, you know things will pick up sometime :)!"
And I'm quite sure thing will pick up again yes! It might not look that way now, but I'm still quite sure! :)
I still have a very close friend who looks after me! :) She is always there for me and whenever I have a problem she will try to help me! :) I'm very lucky I know her! :D And I didn't dedicate my second poem to her for nothing!

Just to finish this post, thank you Jacob! :)

Regards,

Rik!

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 Post Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 6:54 pm 
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Nice poetry, dude!

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 Post Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 8:19 pm 
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Dysnomia wrote:
Nice poetry, dude!


:) Thanks Anton! :)

I'm glad you like it! :) I really am! :)

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 Post Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:02 am 
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Very good poem, but I really didnt like how the structure changed in the middle. But other than that, your poem was awesome. I like the way it ryhmed, and how it seems to tell a story. VERY VERY good.

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 Post Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 6:16 am 
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Those are really good Rik.I can get a feeling of some of what you write there.The poem titled Alone - i can kinda see where you are coming from with that.Yeah,i definitely can.Nice work!

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 Post Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 11:44 am 
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m4rilyn_m0nr03 wrote:
Very good poem, but I really didnt like how the structure changed in the middle. But other than that, your poem was awesome. I like the way it ryhmed, and how it seems to tell a story. VERY VERY good.


Thank you! :) And yeah the structure change! I can see what you mean!
Some of the things I have wrote still need a bit of work! Or there just gonna end up in the bin! Not sure yet!

It really depends some I just write and are finished when I have finished them! Most of the time that is the case! But some of them I might look at again! When I do, I'm gonna see if I think that changing them is worth it! If not I'll just throw them away...

kazynin wrote:
Those are really good Rik.I can get a feeling of some of what you write there.


I'm very glad you like them! :) Writing is very hard for me, so it's nice to see people like them! :) (and ofcource dragging a pen across a piece of paper isn't that hard :roll: but I right with a lot of emotion! My emotion really run high when I write, so yeah that does make it difficult!)

kazynin wrote:
The poem titled Alone - i can kinda see where you are coming from with that.Yeah,i definitely can.Nice work!


Alone is one of my favorites! Maybe even my most favorite!
It was also one of the most difficult things I have ever written, if not the most difficult! Emotions just took over my thinking and I cried for quite a while when I finished that one!
Everytime I read that one again I find it hard not to start crying again!
There are some very strong emotions in there!

I'm very glad you like it Karen! :)

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 Post Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 4:11 am 
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Servant_Of_Satan wrote:
I'm very glad you like them! :) Writing is very hard for me, so it's nice to see people like them! :) (and ofcource dragging a pen across a piece of paper isn't that hard :roll: but I right with a lot of emotion! My emotion really run high when I write, so yeah that does make it difficult!)


Yes i really do like them :) Infact,i've read quite a bit of poetry in this forum,but i can honestly say that none have touched me quite in the same way as your recent ones.Maybe it's because i can see some of myself in some of those..I mean of how i have felt in the past and even this week i've had a very thoughtful week,a bit of negativity and doubts creeping into my mind..So i can kinda relate to some of what you write.I also like the way you write.It's very honest and fresh.I can certainly tell that you write with a lot of raw emotion.

Writing poetry is not as easy as it seems.It's so much more than just dragging a pen across a piece of paper.I wrote quite a lot of poetry myself when i was younger and it seemed to just flow out of me,but i find it hard to do so now.I must admit,i don't often get depressed these days,i don't often feel negative.I felt the need to write this week,i tried,but i could not get out what was in my head down on paper,i could not express myself.I think i have a blockage in the drain in my brain :lol: But,it's cool that you can express yourself in your poetry because it is a damn good release.

Servant_Of_Satan wrote:
Alone is one of my favorites! Maybe even my most favorite!
It was also one of the most difficult things I have ever written, if not the most difficult! Emotions just took over my thinking and I cried for quite a while when I finished that one!
Everytime I read that one again I find it hard not to start crying again!
There are some very strong emotions in there!


Yes,that really is a good one.I can totally understand how Alone was so difficult for you to write.I bet you felt a little better afterwards for doing so,i hope so anyway :)

You mention that you might throw some of your poems away.I would advise you not to do that.When i wrote mine all those years ago i ended up burning some and tearing the others to shreads.I guess at the time i was scared of them being discovered and getting laughed at.....it was silly to think that.Now of course i wish i hadn't taken such drastic action.I can understand that they stir up feelings in you when you read them again,but please don't throw them away.Instead,why not put them in a box somewhere.You can put them out of sight,then at least if you ever want or need to read them again,then you can always dig them out.To throw them away is such a waste.It's up to you of course.I just don't want you to regret it,like i do :)

Servant_Of_Satan wrote:
I'm very glad you like it Karen! :)


Thanks Rik! :D

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