My Lacuna Coil adventure started in August 2012, at the Sonisphere festival in France. The day started off terrible because in fact I wasn’t at the festival to see Lacuna Coil, but to see Evanescence and they had cancelled due to personal reasons and the stage outside the venue had collapsed because of the wind. Luckily there were still bands playing inside the arena. By the end of the evening the organization announced that Lacuna Coil would be playing very soon. I knew who they were because I had bought the Shallow Life album before I went there, but I wasn’t a “diehard” fan back then. Then it was finally time for them to play. I was jumping around and having my horns up during most of the concert. Suddenly Cristina started talking to the crowd about how people should believe in themselves, believe in their dreams and never settle for anything less than they deserve. Then they played ‘Give me something more’, which changed my entire life. I had always been the good girl and I always did what people were asking me to do. I had dreams, yes, but people always found a way to turn those down. I stopped believing in myself, and in my dreams. But since August 2012, everything started changing. I was still at university back then and having a bad time with my so-called friends.
After Sonisphere, I got to know my fellow Coiler Gillian Pieteraerens. We both got into Lacuna Coil more and more. It was great to share my passion for music with someone. I always felt like I didn’t fit in the place I live. I couldn’t talk about things I loved, not even about music. Listening to ‘Give me something more’ makes me realize that I am more than I think I am. I’m not saying that I’m 100% confident with myself today but it made me feel more confident.
In 2013 I graduated, with a bumpy road behind me. I had studied “Arts and culture” in the last semester of the school year. I love art, drawing, being creative, so I thought, why not graduate with a degree in arts and culture. The last part of my student life started in February 2013. I got into a classroom filled with new students. I felt alone somehow and soon enough I started to feel that I didn’t fit in once again. I was an outsider and other students made it obvious they rather hadn’t had me in their group. Lacuna Coil gave me strength during that period. Aside from that, I started to feel less confident again about my portfolio. I had to choose something I love to make a presentation about so I started drawing, days and nights. During the process my teachers kept telling me that my artwork isn’t that great and I should do something else than draw. They told me that I was not a real artist so they can’t expect the best from me either. I have often cried at night and tried to find my courage again. With the help of my favorite band by then, I kept telling myself to believe in my dreams and ‘Give me something more’ kept playing on my ipod while trying to get myself to sleep. I kept drawing against the will of my teachers who told me my portfolio wasn’t that great. Until the final day before graduation, where I had to make a presentation of my portfolio in front of the judges. My teachers didn’t like it and one of the judges really broke down my entire portfolio. That’s the day I stopped drawing. I had a few friends who tried to encourage me again and who tried to make me more confident, I am grateful for their help but it was hard for me back then to pick up again from where I got stuck. Soon after I had a conversation with Cristina that made me feel more confident again. She reminded me of the speech she gave before I heard ‘Give me something more’ for the very first time. Her words touched me deeply. Slowly I started to draw again and bought myself a set of the best pencils an artist could have. My closest friends kept encouraging me to draw and I got the feeling of having fun while creating again. From this experience I learnt that there are always going to be people who turn you down. It is more important to listen to your heart, get what you truly want and fulfill your dreams than do whatever people tell you to do or quit doing what you love because people break you down. This song has helped me through a very rough period in my life and I am thankful for that.
I am thankful towards the band and my friends who dragged me into Lacuna Coil mania. Of course I listened to the other songs as well but ‘Give me something more’ will always have a special meaning for me. Not too long ago the album ‘Broken Crown Halo’ got released. The album really blew me away, but then again a new favorite song was born. ‘Victims’ is such a powerful song. It gives me energy and a “Screw you!” attitude. I can link this song to ‘Give me something more’, at least the meaning the song has for me. “Victims” is, in my opinion, even more powerful than ‘Give me something more’. It makes me want to scream along and it relieves the anger I still have inside me for all that people that have done me wrong. I have felt used and abused by so many people, not only on school. I have been told I was weak and that I can’t do anything right, but now it’s time to shout back and tell everyone to back off, this is me and this is who I am. You either deal with who I am or you get lost. It’s as simple as that. I’ll never quit, never break me down again! I try not to do everything people expect from me, though in some situations I still don’t have much of a choice. I don’t want to stand in line and I don’t want to be like everyone else. I am different and I like being different.
Want to know how my ‘drawing story’ ends? Well, I am still drawing and I actually earn something by fulfilling peoples’ requests. Most important for me was earn respect and that’s what I got now. That’s better than create art out of a bin and never get it to be viewed by the world, right, teachers? 😉
Right, people who laughed at me and told me I should quit? I will never quit! To any Coiler out there with broken dreams, believe in yourself and remember, never settle for anything less than you deserve because then dreams may come true.